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You’ve got to be kidding me!

07/07/2011
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Two weeks from today I’ll be on a plane to America. Beginning a long-awaited holiday that will include GenCon 2011. Bearing this in mind, what is the worst headline I could read today?

U.S. Warns Terrorists Considering Surgically Implanting Bombs In Humans

In the words of many an incredulous txter: WTF?

I didn’t want to get political on this blog, but this really is beyond a joke. For years now I had to put up with ever-increasing security measures while passing through American airports. From having to take off my shoes, to not carrying any significant measure of liquid, and even the occasional pat down (aka “the works”). Sure, I don’t help matters by having a full beard and speaking in a foreign (to TSA agents) accent, but that’s beside the point.

The really galling thing is the headline. Terrorists aren’t actually getting explosives implanted, they’re just thinking about it. To make matters worse, they’re now thinking about it because of the full body scanners that are to make us safer than ever.

What. A. Surprise.

This story does ring some bells the more I think about it. Almost like it’s happened before, but in a slightly different way.

Death to seriousness!

That’s it, al-Qaeda are now getting their plots from Batman villains!

What’s next? Ayman al-Zawahiri is going to build a doomsday machine that will freeze all of America in the middle of summer, ruining the vacation plans of millions of decadent Westerners, freezing those trying to sunbathe, and causing untold numbers of car crashes with suddenly icy roads?

For fuck’s sake. The next thing you know they’ll be telling us that the terrorists are training monkeys to do their fighting for them.

The gun looking like a toy is all part of the plan.

Oh shit.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. 07/07/2011 23:21

    Actually, I think they got the butt-bomb idea from Man on Fire.

  2. 08/07/2011 00:30

    It was also the plot to one of the various shows I watch last season. Unfortunately, given the type of shows I watch, that doesn’t narrow it down much. A woman from one of the Arabic countries had a bomb implanted in her belly, and was going into a conference. Hmm, come to think of it, that might have actually been an old MI-5/Spooks episode.

    Personally, I’m still amazed that no terrorist has gone in with a bomb that is triggered by a pat-down. THAT would put the TSA in a bind…

    • Andrew permalink*
      08/07/2011 07:27

      And that’s the thing that amazes me about the TSA. You can stand in a queue with a couple of hundred other people for up to an hour (or more if it’s busy), but try and take a bottle of Coke through the checkpoint and they’ll treat you like scum.

      Madness.

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